The Commentary Track on Resident Evil (2002) is Insane

[The producer talking about coloring the film]”We colored them separately. So for example in the flashbacks, we took each frame and took a lot of color out…”

“Okay can I just say who cares about that? You just saw my nipple. No one cares about the grading. All I can say is how committed am I to do this picture?”

Milla Jovovich cutting Jeremy Bolt off. It won’t be the last time.

I’m still a little worn out from my rash decision to post something every day this past month, so rather than do a full post I wanted to highlight my favorite commentary track of all time: the commentary track on the original DVD release of the 2002 Resident Evil movie.

“So we’re just watching and commenting on the whole movie right now?”

Yes this is all Milla Jovovich

Imagine being incredibly disappointed with a movie adaptation of a beloved franchise you adore. You turn to the commentary track for answers, and discover you can watch a version of the film wherein the main star of it mocks it nearly the entire time.

“None of our songs are going to be on the charts. I mean Slipknot? How outta left field can you get?”

“Uh oh! Milla.”

Milla Jovovich when she was more honest with the world and herself about these movies

Clearly this was recorded at a point Milla Jovovich thought this movie was a dud, and definitely before she realized it would yield five more films starring her as the lead. Michelle Rodriguez at least tries to comment on her love of the games and the film, but Jovovich is an irresistibly bad influence on Rodriguez’s professional sensibilities. Rounding out the commentary are the de facto straight men film producer Jeremy Bolt and writer/director Paul W.S. Anderson. I’m not sure if Anderson and Jovovich were already together at this point, but it doesn’t matter in order to enjoy one of the most delightfully raw & borderline unprofessional commentary tracks I have ever had the pleasure of hearing.

“If you guys make this movie a HUGE hit and the DVD a super hit I will get breast enhancement surgery.”

Milla Jovovich

You can listen to this commentary track on the DVD or Blu Ray versions of the film. If you don’t want to spend money (I don’t blame you), check with your library to see if you can get a copy. I just got Urban Legends: Final Cut through mine so dreams can come true.

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